London Cocktail Week, part three

Previously: allergy fun and syphilis!

Thursday

After sitting Wednesday out because of the aforementioned beer allergy, I met my boyfriend after work and we went to the City of London Distillery, which is one of my very favourite bars. We discovered it at London Cocktail Week last year, and we liked it so much that we abandoned our previously enthusiastic bar-hopping to spend the rest of the evening there. They had a drink called Lionel Rich Tea! How can you not love that? I had been something of a gin sceptic up until then, but thanks to them I am now an avid gin cocktail enthusiast. 

Cocktail the first!

Green Eggs 'n' Ham! It's a dangerous thing to name a drink, because the natural urge is to exacerbate any negative feelings you have towards it so you can say "I do not like Green Eggs and Ham", but fortunately these guys really know what they're doing. The drink is gin, pistachio milk, pineapple syrup, lime juice and egg white with a twist of ham. Which sounds really weird, but trust me, it's good. 

We weren't bar hopping that night, so we had another. 

This is gin, vermouth and orange juice, which is not a combination I really wanted right then, but I didn't feel I had any choice as the drink was called Satan's Bush. I can't really give an accurate assessment of this one as my opinion is coloured by a) the fact that I didn't want it and b) the sheer amazingness of the name. An array of amazing terrible jokes, and because my boyfriend ordered a COLD Hearted, this was stuck in my head for the next several days:

Oh, Alyssa, I love you so much. 

Day three verdict: Gin! Bush jokes! Excuses to crowbar Drag Race into everything!

Saturday

In a way, this doesn't really count. We were both ill for most of the weekend, there was no evening bar hopping to be seen, and this place wasn't even participating in London Cocktail Week. But I was in London, I was drinking a cocktail, and it was this week. That's good enough. 

We were out, my boyfriend wanted a coffee, and since only fancy coffee would do we went to Bar Termini. Bar Termini was only participating in Cocktail Week as a stand in the Spitalfields village, but I was not going to sign up for a week of cocktails and only drink on three of the days, dammit. So I had a Bloody Mary. Reasonably standard as Bloody Marys go except with the addition of horseradish, quite spicy and strong, doesn't feel ridiculous to be drinking them at lunchtime. Nice.

Day four verdict: Low key, but you can't say no to a Bloody Mary.

And that was as much as we got to. Much less than usual and WAY less than London Wine Week... so look out for that, coming next year in between TV recaps to confuse you. Hooray!

London Cocktail Week recap, part two

Previously: Drinking!

Tuesday

We went to the second cocktail hub in Piccadilly Circus, which we didn't do last year. It was at the World Class House, which is five floors and a lot of strangely-placed foliage.

Cocktail the first!

OK, so these fuckers. We started out on the gin floor, which boasted a grand total of two cocktails: a gin and tonic for the normal Cocktail Week price, and a "French 75v" for £4 more. I'm not really a gin and tonic person, so we both went for the French 75v, which the bartender told us was like a normal French 75 but with mead instead of champagne. Replacing champagne with other stuff isn't normally how to get on my good side, but okay. After about twenty minutes of faffing about, we were handed our cocktails (with a small cone of popping candy on the side, eugh) and discovered that the "mead" was actually honey syrup and lager. Which I am allergic to. That is NOT a nice surprise, gin place. Even ignoring the part where I spent all of Wednesday recovering from a bad reaction, it was a properly unpleasant drink. The lager overpowered everything else, and even with his extreme dislike of a) waste and b) undrunk alcohol, my boyfriend also left his unfinished. 

We decided we were done with the gin floor and went in search of whisky. 

There were four whisky cocktails on offer, and since there were four of us we got all of them. I ended up with this one: a Cardhu Gold Reserve with pear syrup and vanilla, which was definitely my favourite of the four. Two of the others were also pretty good, and the fourth was flavoured with fudge syrup, which... don't do that to whisky, guys. The whisky floor was better than the gin floor by a long way, but honestly, if I'm going to have whisky I'd rather just have the neat whisky, thanks. 

We decided we were done with this particular hub and went to find a bar. The first two turned us away (Hix claimed to be too busy and Graphic was having a private party, which they could easily have put in the little booklet but chose not to. I'm just saying). After a little walking, we ended up in the queue for Cahoots. I'd never been before but because it's a 1940s bar and most of my friends are swing dancers, I already knew more about it than I did most of the places I go to on a semi-regular basis. 

Cocktail the third!

Smuggler's Top! Now this is what I'm talking about. Gin, Cointreau and lime. This was really good, especially with the lemon thyme garnish. I'm not sure if this is on their regular menu, but if it is I will happily order one at full price. 

For cocktail the fourth, we'd been planning to go somewhere else for another £5 cocktail, but after a disappointing experience in the hub, being turned away from two places and having queued to get into Cahoots, we decided we weren't taking the risk and ordered another drink each. 

I had Turning Over a New Leaf, which is gin, black raspberry liqueur, and tea flavours. It was delicious. There were three distinct phases to each mouthful, with the second one (I think the black raspberry notes) reminding me very strongly of something I couldn't identify. I hate when that happens. Definitely order this, it's amazing. 

Also, this is what the ladies' loos in Cahoots look like:

Thanks guys!

Day two verdict: Bad start, but redeemed at the end. 

Up next: ham! Yes, ham. 

London Cocktail Week recap, part one

What, you thought it was just going to be TV? Nobody ever said it was just going to be TV. Whatever takes my fancy shall be recapped here, and what takes my fancy right now is the week of booze I just had.

I had cocktails four days out of seven last week, which compared to last year is actually a pretty poor showing, but nevertheless...

Monday

We started off, as we did last year, in the Cocktail Village in Old Spitalfields Market. This is the main wristband acquisition place and has 40 or so little pop-up cocktail bars, meaning you get to try a wide variety of stuff without having to walk very much. Maximum booze, minimum fuss.

First task was getting past the guys with the alcoholic ice cream. Alcoholic ice cream is something I really ought to like (I consider my homemade mojito Calippos to be the very height of my personal culinary achievements), but it was nasty stuff. Artificial and overly sweet, even for me. Of course I'm far too British to say that, so we told them "maybe later" and scuttled off.

Cocktail the first!

A Bramble Royale from Happiness Forgets. You can't go wrong with champagne, gin, lemon and raspberry, though I didn't love it quite as much as I thought I was going to.

I remember there being more fun stuff in the Cocktail Village last year. There was a photo booth with props, and a bath full of rubber ducks for people to pose in, and a benches-and-barrels setup in front of an old camper van selling rum in copper cups. The most fun thing I saw this year was a booth shaped like a giant bottle of Cointreau. 

Dedicated to my brother, who has decided that he wants to be known for bringing Cointreau into conversations where Cointreau wouldn't ordinarily be. Here's to you, James. 

Cocktail the second!

A salt and pepper lemon gimlet from The Drinks Factory (my boyfriend's favourite drink-making people). I know it looks like a glass of slightly cloudy water, but it was delicious. One of my favourites this week, if not this year. Highly recommended. What you see behind it is my boyfriend's order; a little bottle of cocktail that claimed to be a fancy drink with fancy ingredients but was basically Calpol. Calpol taste, Calpol consistency. Calpohol. He loved it, I was less convinced, though it did give me a fairly powerful wave of nostalgia and remind me how upset I was when I became too old for the "nice" Calpol and my parents started buying the juniors stuff instead, which was bitter and much more medicine-like. Ah, memories.

Cocktail the third (after a break for dinner and a hard shake, which I was not a fan of) was from the Drinks Factory again, because our friends had turned up and wanted the Calpohol. This is a Marengo, and I've entirely forgotten what was in it because it wasn't particularly memorable. Oh well. 

Day One verdict: these faces. 

Coming up in part two: BLEUGH.

The Great British Bake Off Series 7, Episode Desserts

It's Desserts Week! No introductory pun from Mel and Sue this week, sadly, so we go straight to Andrew stressing about his inability to win Star Baker thus far. This is not a particularly endearing storyline for him, it has to be said. Andrew claims to be a "desserts man [desserts nine-year-old boy] through and through" and is on a mission to finally be the winner this week, meaning that either he will be or that he will flame out spectacularly. I speak reality TV. Candice is back on top lipstick form, and now I am considering breaking out the Goth lipsticks that don't suit me but remain in my make-up stash regardless.

For the signature bake, everyone is to make a roulade. Mary talks about getting the perfect spiral when the roulade is rolled up, and Paul brags about being able to get more cream in his mouth than the average person. Snigger. Nobody is making anything especially groundbreaking, though Andrew is making his all stripy because if he doesn't win he'll JUST DIE, and Tom the Murderer is making a millionaire's shortbread in roulade form. Paul thinks this will be "interesting". "Interesting as in genuinely interesting or in a sort of muahahaha classic creepy Paul Hollywood something awful's going to happen way?" asks Sue, who is the best. We hear but do not see Paul respond "Uhhhhh..." in a vaguely unsettling manner. Paul is not the best. Good luck, Channel 4.

Mary wants to see "no crack whatsoever" from Selasi, unlike 80% of the internet, and when she finds out that Benjamina is making a pina colada roulade with rum in it, winks saucily at her. I am on Team Rum with Mary. We scorn Team Crack.

Tom the Murderer has to make a second sponge after his first one goes extremely wrong, and sighs that a pretty cake is definitely off the table today. What he's making looks basically exactly how my Yule logs always turn out at Christmas. Informal, you might say.

Judgement time! Jane's looks good, though she's got very little roll because she rolled it up along the long side. The texture is good but Paul and Mary are split on the effectiveness of the alcohol because Mary likes drinking, you guys. Benjamina's looks and tastes good, though Paul is unsure about the coconut extract. Tom's is a bit squished-looking but tastes nice, Candice's is a bit cracked and slightly rubbery, Andrew's is pretty and tasty if a bit squished, and Selasi has made a really good sponge.

This week's technical is marjolaine, which I have never heard of. It's apparently some kind of layered meringue thing, except the meringue is made of nuts? That sounds weird. Selasi tells us he can't afford to come last, which means he will. We were all here for the Rav Debacle, show. Tom the Murderer has made almost none of the necessary parts of this thing before. He lists off all the different bits and when he gets to the praline, we take a break to learn about the history of praline. It is named after Mr Prasline, which makes me very happy. I might change my name to Jen Prasline. Then we return to Tom, who has made a caramelised sheet of nuts that he says he's going to have set into his door. Oh, Tom, you and your slightly psychotic baking.

Andrew's meringue breaks. Mel promises to keep it a secret. Sue asks him what he thinks a marjolaine is supposed to look like. "A Vienetta, but posher?" Andrew suggests. "Nothing's posher than a Vienetta," says Sue.Now I want a Vienetta, but I know I wouldn't want it if it were in my freezer. Hmph.

Weird meringue things are put behind corresponding photos and they all look pretty good, so Mary and Paul are picking on slight unevenness in depth and somewhat irregular piping. Selasi comes last, because that is the reality TV way, followd by Tom, Jane and Benjamina. Candice is second and Andrew wins, so this is definitely a Triumph of the Andrew week. Paul thinks it's an Andrew/Benjamina face off for Star Baker, and any of the other four could be in trouble. Mel and Sue, it is agreed, are always in trouble.

For the showstopper, everyone is asked to make 24 mini mousse cakes in two flavours. Everyone is making either chocolate and coffee or chocolate and mint for one of their flavours, except Tom the Murderer who is making a carrot cake and an apple and white chocolate cake in the shapes of finger sandwiches for his "hipster picnic". He explains that he's taking something simple and making it complicated, "which is the hipster way". I can't decide if I love this or hate it. On the one hand hipsters talking about being hipsters is infuriating, but saying "which is the hipster way" as though they're some kind of mystical tribe is slightly adorable. I find Tom the Murderer super confusing. He also notes that he and Benjamina are making a similar sounding apple cake, but suspects that they will "come out very different - not necessarily to my favour, I imagine". Tom the Murderer is weirdly defeatist for a murderer.

Andrew, still marching grimly towards his first Star Baker, has produced two small Ferris wheels on which he intends to display his mousses for a "day at the seaside" theme. The carriages are basically little hanging baskets wobbling about on hooks, and it all looks terrifying. Let's not have the stress of Biscuit Week all over again, please? Equally insane is Jane, who is making five different mousse mixtures simultaneously while also creating fleur-de-lys designs for her chocolate mousse, though she seems quite chilled about it all as she jumps from bowl to bowl.

It's a hot day because it's always a hot day when the bakers are making things that melt easily, so mousses are being filled with gelatine and being crammed into freezers left and right. Candice doubles the amount of gelatine she put in when practicing and ends up with a mixture so stiff she can't even stir it, so she starts again. Why did you think that would work?

Shortly thereafter, almost everyone's mousses start melting to some degree or other, ranging from mildly sloppy (Jane/Benjamina) to complete gunk-pile disaster (Selasi). Sue also notes that Selasi's mini-mousses are basically huge chocolate bricks and would only count as mini when being held by someone as beefy as Selasi. Selasi says "disaster" but still doesn't look particularly bothered by any of this. I respect that.

Showstoppers in Brief: Jane has a great-looking set of chocolate/coffee mousses and one slightly melty set of blackcurrant ones, but all five of her mousses are light and tasty; Selasi's raspberry mousses look and taste great, but his mint chocolate ones are just slabs of gunk; Candice's chocolate/mint mousse is more of a ganache and her blackberry ones look beautiful but are lacking a bit in flavour and texture; both Benjamina's chocolate/coffee and her apple crumble mousses look sloppy but taste great; Tom's sandwich things lack finesse and would be great for a completely different challenge not at all related to mousse; and Andrew's chocolate and forest fruits mousses look amazing, taste amazing, Triumph of the Andrew.

Star Baker this week is Andrew and they don't even pretend it might be someone else. As soon as he gets out of the tent he shouts "Finally, finally, finally!" I am not feeling this story arc. This leaves Selasi as the only one not to have won Star Baker, and do you see him giving two shits about it? No, you do not. Going home, inevitably, is Tom the Murderer. He says he knew it would be him, as did we all. I'll miss Tom the Murderer, with his confusing flavours and his determination to be either excellent or totally shit at everything and his terrifying murderer face. I will remember his Death Gingerbread forever.

Next week: Tudor Week. Oh, good grief.